Crossroads...

She knew it will be short lived. Her love for him was a nothing but strong fondness to the Cute, innocent happy looking person. Its matter of time that it will fade. He is indeed a nice person, but there are shades to him which can be troubling. Troubling more than the pleasure his smile gives.

He was in a habit to smile away the trouble. A smile is the answer for all the questions he is asked and he doesn't know what to say. That smile will take your heart away, make you smile as well and you feel like cuddling him and pull his cheeks.

But how long till this all looks normal and OK? How long till his smile doesn't move you anymore? How long till his antics are no more amusing? Marriages can change the strongest and the most patient. Will he be like it? Will I love him just the way I do? Will I have that fondness to him even five years down the line?


She knew the answer, she was scared to hear it. She was scared to know that this is short lived. Love for a person for the way he is, is always short lived, Love, however for a soul is infinite and indefinite.

She never loved his soul, he would make me feel special by his presence, but won't "touch" me. He would kiss me and kiss me nice but my body doesn't shivers giving me goosebumps when I remember it.

He would hold me, but I would never feel companionship in his touch, he would make me laugh all day, But I am not happy.

She was greatly in love with him, but she loved the person. What if the person starts to change? .............and he already was. What if what she has seen of him, is the only best part that he has?

She was about to marry him, but was not able fight the ideas that were cropping. They were scary and misleading. When she sees him, standing in front of her, smiling..she was to run and be in her arms. Once she is there, she wants to come out and say, you are not the "one" for me.



She keeps toggling between the feel and feel was stronger both the times. She wants to be sure about this relationship and nothing was leading her to a decision. She wanted to be 100% while she was in his arms and not think about the world. Apparently that wasn't happening. Perhaps she needs more time, she should give him more time, she SHOULD give herself more time. But time is something she was always less with.



She needs to decide to go in his arms or stay and wait for him to be ready for her. She needs to decide if He is the "ONE" or destiny has chosen someone else. She needs to decide if the love will not / is not short lived and that she could have her love him enough to keep it going through out her life.

She is struggling with her feelings for him, she is too clear with what it is with him and that is what is making her scared. Coz she know.....this is short lived.

When you were there......

"I am scared of you". Her voice was cold. He was speechless for next 60 seconds. She continued, I am scared that you will change. I am scared that you will not feel the same for me that you feel now or felt before. He was listening quietly, trying to comprehend the words.

I have seen you changing and changing very quickly. What I know you and had known has been shaken and moulded into something else. Unpleasantly you have become a different person than that I love. I still love you and will continue loving you, but the warmth in your embrace isn't there. The feel in your touch isn't there. Now you don't bring flowers for me, no cards, no special words. You don't compliment me anymore. Not that I need them to live but................You never got tired doing all of it.

Even the surprises are not coming. I wonder if that is your way of another surprise. I feel that you were walking next to me, holding my hand and suddenly you zoomed ahead and do not care to look behind. Look behind to see how far I am left, how much I need to cover.

I have to match your pace ................... I have to look where are you do, I have to be what you have become. I have to feel happy when you do, I have to feel sorry when you don't. I have to make love when you want to, I have to sleep on the edge now, I have to travel alone, I have to eat alone, I have to .....................



I run and hold your hand again, it doesn't touch you. You are still looking at the place YOU want to go. You are still looking in that direction. You don't look at me anymore. I dressed in your fav color, wore a lip layer, black lined my brows. You liked me that way, didn't you?

You don't open the door of the car for me anymore, you used to rush in front of me and chivalrously bow and direct me to the seat. Ensuring I had my clothes off the ground, you gently closed the door. Not that I want you to....... You always did it yourself.

You don't face me while sleeping anymore, don't kiss me morning, don't kiss me night.



He was still speechless, trying to figure out when had that happened. Actually !! He was amazed to have not seen it. He knew it was him that she was comparing him with, and she sounded right. He didn't interrupt, he felt she had so much to say.

She was waiting for him to say something. "Would you say something".....ah...umm....huh......Yeah you are right! I have changed. And he silenced himself again. She wanted me to say something, I just said "something".

"No, Honey I have not changed, its just the work. I have this project coming up."

"NO, honey I haven't changed, its just that I am not feeling good, and there is no one else."

This is not what she wants to hear, this is not what she wants to know. She know it already, she knows that you have changed, she knows it IS work, She knows it is NOT OTHER WOMAN.

So why is she telling it to me??

Coz she is insecure, she is about to spend the entire life with someone she thought she knew. and now you are nothing understandable to her. She is coming out of her family holding your hand, trusting your words, trusting you, trusting her instincts that she will be well with this man. But, now she doesn't feel the same way.




You don't feel right to him, the trust has changed. The thoughts started to hit him hard now. Suddenly he looked back and realized he had left her behind, long behind. She was standing alone calling out his name while he was somewhere looking for HIS destination.


He started to speak now, started to say the same words he used to say to her. Started to make her feel, he hasn't changed a bit. He can still bring flowers, he can still buy the cards, He can still surprise her, He can still say those special words.

He started to speak like he used to, slowly he was felt near to her. He felt like walking aside, holding hands. Slowly she started to feel he is still the same, its just that he needs a gently push, a call from behind, a poke.....a pinch. A reminder about himself, what he is and should stay. Why she is with him and why she would want to be with him.


She needs to feel right about choosing him as his man, She needs to feel secure in his arms, She has left a world for him, he needs to make her feel correct with her decision. And saying won't work, doing won't work. She will feel it. Just be what she wants you to be... and she will give you all that she has.


Listening to him.....calm.....She drifted to sleep.

Who understand me ...... ?

No one understands me, just no one! My parents, my wife, my kids, my friends, my boss. Just no one. Is there anyone who could / would understand me?

Is that the question you normally ask to yourself? I guess most of us have and do. But before asking that question to yourself have you asked another not so familiar question?




DO I UNDERSTAND MYSELF?





If the answer is yes, the first question holds some value, if the answer is NO, then buddy you need to get few things straight before you point fingers.

I do not understand myself and hence I have no right to complain that no one understands me. If I know myself well, if I know why I behave the way I behave, if I know why I wish the things I wish, if I know why I think, feel, act, react......the way I do, I know what I am. I completely understand myself and can even predict my reactions. If I can answer all my questions myself, I have the right to go to the world and seek different opinion.

Sometimes people say s/he knows me more than myself. That is sheer bullshit! Noone can understand you more than yourself and everyone knows this. You are what you are and you know the reason to be.

Introspection is done by every human being, everyone knows what they are good or bad at, everyone knows their likes and dislikes, highs and lows, strengths and falls.......

If you are confused about yourself, look around and people would be more confused. If you are sure of what you are and why you are there is a great possibility that people around you would know you a great deal. But still there is no one except you who knows more about you.

If you think you don't know yourself more than anyone else, its high time you do it.


Know Yourself...before knowing others.

Urges..

While she was ecstatic about the fit, he was still looking at her naval. " I am buying this", She joyfully said. She didn't even look at the price tag. I bet she will mention it later, but who cares it was "her" fit. Something she rarely finds.


He was not able to detach herself from heavy breathing. When she lifted her shirt to show him the belt of her new skirt she planned to buy, a deep sinking aaah came out of his mouth. He so wanted to touch her right there on her belly. While she was rotating to show the flair and the cut of the skirt, still lifting the shirt upto her breasts, he was busy imagining the feel of her skin under his palm.

"I am buying this", She joyfully said and walked inside the Changing room to put back denim jeans. He was standing right in front of the door, looking at the shadow under the 3/4 door, looking at her naked feet, which tell him.... She is half naked. He wanted to romp inside right then kiss her so deep that she gasps for a breath for next 5 minutes. What was started by a sneak display of her belly was raging now, by her shadow on the floor showing she was changing clothes.

What would he call it, a strong Urge, a Desire, Passion, lust, Intimacy, Pure Sexual Urge or something else. It was so strong that he could barely move his eyes from her shadow. These urge are so strong, so GODDAMN STRONG that no one on earth can stop themselves not feeling physical.

This and only this is the moment when the attraction of a MAN and a WOMAN is at its peak. This can be lead by a small brush of bodies while choosing clothes in a shop, a small touch when the bus driver braked hard, She comes outside the bathroom in a towel, He comes topless from a workout.....sweaty.....................she ....... he..........

There is no one on this earth who doesn't want this URGE, PURE SEXUAL URGE. The URGE to be RAVISHED WILDLY by someone, even someone you have met for the first time.

The moment when She would feel a WOMAN and he would feel a MAN. The moment when hurting can be fun and crude passion takes control over the body and the mind. When making love turns into making fiery love. The moment won't last long, sometimes few seconds, some luckier times for few minutes. But the power that it will take you with, is uncontrollable and unrealizable.....


But then who wants to be controlled......WHILE I AM IN ONE......while I urge........

Ecstasy...

The name can misleading, believe me! As per Oxford

ecstasy {speaker} noun (plural ecstasies)
1 [U, C] a feeling or state of very great happiness
2 (Ecstasy) [U] (abbreviation E) an illegal drug, taken especially by young people at parties, that gives feelings of great energy and pleasure


Some say Orgasm is the best example of ecstasy, I completely disagree. Orgasm is like sound sleep, you have it once you want to have it over and over again. Ecstasy is Orgasmic but not Orgasm.

People would have different moments they feel ecstatic, some in the bed, some while watching a match, some while playing one, some while being with kids, some while getting their pay cheques. Its different and so vastly different for everyone one and each one of us.

I find kids ecstatic, the mere smile, the outstretched hands, the peck on the cheek and the cute antics. That is ecstasy for me. A serene mountain, a small hut, a large farm, few animals, small family.

Cut 2 .... Noisy waves, cool breeze, hammock and book, coconut trees, beach sand, wind chimes.........too many in the house. I want to be next to the nature to have all the happiness I want,...... along with my family ofcourse , be it a beach side bungalow or a mountain top cottage. It all sounds filmy but that gives me a feeling or state of very great happiness and that for me is Ecstasy.

I can't remember the last time I was ecstatic, but I surely know how I can be.

I think everyone in their lives feels ecstatic atleast once. If someone says s/he hasn't been ecstatic, s/he doesn't exist. The belief that it is tough to experience ecstasy is a myth, the belief that you can have it over and over again is a bigger myth. The belief that you can ecstasy in everything you do or try to experience Ecstasy in everything you do is the BIGGEST MYTH.

If I try to find ecstasy while I drive each time, I might end up....... If I try to find ecstasy each time I make love, I will loose it all..........If I try to find ecstasy each time I work, I would be mad soon........

Ecstasy is inside our souls, it comes out when not the body but soul is satisfied, it comes when the soul is touched, it comes when not you but your soul is on a high......... your mind is beyond the point it can think. The mind is blank. The point when there is no need to think of anything else.

Unfortunately Ecstasy is orgasmic and lasts few moments. Well, if doesn't , it would not be called Ecstasy

Beach side, cool breeze, moon light, some glowing starts, walking hand in hand, wet sand, footprints, soft brushes, Distant lamp glow, ........ ECSTATIC....

What women Want ..........

Even the most dominating woman wants to be dominated. The feeling that someone can take your hand, keeps a finger on your lips and picks you up to bring you face to face to pleasant surprise is out of this world.

Every women wants to be swiped off her feet, and each would want that to be done differently. I wonder in how many ways that is possible.

The feeling that someone is taking control of your life can be disgusting. A strong woman will keep on introspecting how on earth is she even letting her life to be controlled by someone else. More disgusting is the feeling when the person driving it, is new to her life.


But, the feeling brings a sense of being cared, being ruled..being asked to sit back and enjoy the ride of the life. There is a difference, very thin difference between being ruled and being dominated. Taken over completely not even knowing you have been can be mesmerizing. Being asked to shut up coz HE doesn't care and want to hear what you want, is being ruled.


Yet she wants someone to come and ask her...... MY LOVE, and WHAT WOULD YOUR WISH BE ?

Surprises are best charmers for a lady, not to mention THEY HAVE to be PLEASANT. From fulfilling her smallest wish which she casually mentioned at the dinner table, to actually staying hungry for many months and saving money for her first Diamond Jewellery on her Birthday.


Birthday's are other days you could slide in the best you have to surprise the lady. Unfortunately birthdays are sometimes the worst days in a girl's life. For someone who can turn that to a day to remember till life, would be right up there as a man for her.

There are a lot many ways that BOY can be a MAN for a girl. May be the way you make her feel protected, may be the way you "slide in" for the first time, may be the way you kiss her, or may be the way you take a stand for yourself, her and others.

There are many more and much more simpler ways for a MAN to be a "MAN" for her. No woman is hunting for a perfect "MAN" but a "MAN" enough for her to give in everything she has, including her dreams to him.

The most important however is the STAND. Will he stand next to me is the first or may be the only repeated question she would ask herself. If she doesn't get the "YES", he isn't the man enough. No matter how wonderful he is in the bed, no matter how helpful he can be,no matter how handsome he looks. For a woman those are all secondary, She wants to be embraced and protected by the world.

Even if a stranger rescues her from her suffering while her so called boyfriend left her, that Stranger would take all her respect in that one moment and will even hear a "YES" if he proposes her in that very moment. Such is the meaning of taking a STAND.

She would hate someone who would never take his own decision and say YES to her, HE according to her will never reach anywhere. She would hate someone who would never ask what she wishes ( even if it means she says YES each time ), but she would want to be asked.

She wants to be made to feel special, She wants to be taken care of, SHE WANTS TO BE DOMINATED, she wants to say to the world, I MARRIED HIM and not the other way around.

If a woman shows that she is interested in you, think yourself as the most lucky in this world. If she flirts with other guys in front of you, DROP DOWN....She is madly in love with you. If she talks about other men to make you jealous, believe me it's hurting her as much, or may be much more.

The way a woman would try to hint you that she is interested and loves you madly can be complicated. Flirting with other men right when you can see, kissing someone else while you were looking at her, letting someone take her for a ride when you know she could have very easily stopped every bit of it is / can be her way to tell you ......GODDAMN IDIOT !!! Can't you see I am doing this all to tell you, I LOVE YOU.

That kiss wouldn't mean anything to her, she wouldn't even care where he is touching her. All she cares about is that you are looking that she is being touched "there" by other man. And the pick of who it will be ( the more idiot out of you two ) is also carefully done. Not just anyone would do, he has to be the one you would hate too.

Chivalry is still alive, VERY MUCH !!! Opening the door of the car, allowing her to pass first, standing when she comes in or leaves, taking her hand while she gently steps down the stairs, bowing while you take her hand and the kiss...... smelling good, dressing well.....Ohhh there are many. And yes, not to look at her cleavage while she is talking to you. This one is hard to maintain though :)


Getting into bad books of a lady is a BIG MISTAKE. You would never want to mess up with a woman, more importantly someone who is STRONG. MEN fear WOMEN more than other MEN in terms of harm they can cause. Every men knows what a woman he betrays is capable of harming. Honestly !!! the guy has no idea, not even a tenth of what she can do.

STATUARY WARNING : DON'T PLAY, IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE, and most of the times it is the over confidence that drowns you.

I am no expert with women, NOT EVEN A NOVICE, haven't interacted with many through out my life, nor have ready books or watched women oriented movies, but to understand a women you don't need all of it.

You need to have a compassionate heart and a pure soul and a pair of eyes that can look beyond, a mind that can think above the obvious. Or is it too unrealistic.........

Perhaps, you need to be GOD....coz WHAT WOMEN WANTS....... IS WHAT DRIVES THIS WORLD, and once that is known, all will just come to a halt.